found an apartment listing thats just too good to be true….. now… is it? 

(calling with my partner today!) 

ugh. back onto eating right. i started to relax with it… and couple thousand dinner dates later im stuck with relationship gut instead of dinner me and the boyfriend put on sneakers and hit the gym. put me in check how out of shape i am in.

stupid happy realtionships
you make me look fat
aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

so ive been down lately that i havent seen anyone. 
everyones busy (includeing me) and the only reason ive been able to see my boyfriend so much is that i work right next store to him. seriously our stores share a wall. 

anyway my boy took me to the city for an awesome date- and thats enough you know. 
no, yesterday at work he managed to get all most ALL of my friends (excluding out of stater’s) to my favorite bar. 
i walked in and looked to the table infront of me, and im looking like. ha they look familar shit is that CCAAASSSSIIEEE. 
i fucken ran over there to see everyone and give hugs and kisses. bunny, cassie, amanda, rob, antony! i teared up a bit. 

i havent seen everyone since new years, and before that it was like 6 months. how my boyfriend was able to wrangle them all up i dont know. 

like sorry girlies i love you but cas and bun are ssoooo hard to get in touch with. fucken magic man. 

and the day before that i saw my friend chris in the city! 

just need the bf to send me those pictures as proof haha. 

my magical ‘get no tickets’ vibe is over.
and now i have two.
well shit i can pay it
/but adding points?/’
/youve gone too far/

-cry

boy and i are splitting a netflix account
we are in. a /serious relationship/ now

i cant take my no sleep schedule for much longer. i really really cant. my job is an hour away… if there is no traffic. its about 25-30 miles depending on what route i take. why do you work so far samus? it was one of the only places hiring that paid more than minimum wage and had full time positions. its not an easy job, but im good at it and the paychecks arent that bad. they arent good either though. 
see the issue is- im a great opener. i do a great job at cleaning up the peoples mess from the night before- turning everything on and makeing everything in the morning, then dealing with the morning and after noon rush. 
we open at 8. 
yeah yeah not a big deal you thinks. 
no no, i need to be there around 7 so i can start everything. cleaning and prepping food. 
so leave around 6- 6:15 right? 
wrong. i have to be out of the house by 5:50 . so i can avoid all the morning rush traffic. so that means i wake up arrouunnddd 4:50 every morning so i can roll around and complain and get dressed. 

but heres the thing. i work till late after noon- get stuck in rush hour traffic heading home, dont get home till 2 hours later. and i gotta try and be in bed by nine which is near impossible to do- just so i can get eight hours. 

ive basically have had two weeks of patched together sleep.
ive taken to sleeping in my car. (but with it snowing recently, people arent on the same boat as me) so i was crashing at my boyfriends place- but ahh no longer able to do that. i never wanted to rely on that anyway- but now it kinda sucks its gone. 

i can maybe every once in awhile ask friends when i have openings back to back. (like this week im opening 4 times) ima ask one of my best frands if i can crash at her house tonight. if i cant- which is what i expect ill just make cozy in my car. extra blankets tonight! 

i am so tired my alarm scared the shit out of me, i was awake , i knew it was going to go off, it wasnt that loud but i lept out of my skin and nearly teared up. i hate being so tired man ;.; 

heres the skinny 
i kinda need out- sooner than later 

the issues 

• i have a cat
• my job isnt that good
• can’t get a job that good without a degree
• cant afford (time and money) to go BACK to school
  
• my certification is for a job i never want again. 

it comes down to that im stuck and how does this work cant i just win the  lottery?

im out of qtips
ill just bury my self ok?